the dirty truth...

I feel like this is a "coming out" sort of post. My blog has definitely been an ALL in one blog. I post both personal and business stuff here. So because I have clients, and potential clients coming here, I haven't ever wanted to be TOO personal. However, being that I do want to post pregnancy and baby things here, it is going to start getting a whole lot more personal and maybe a bit less business.

Travis and I tried for 2 years to get pregnant. Oh, how that felt like an eternity! I have never felt so sad and isolated. After a year, we sought out doctor's help and did that for a year. No one had an answer. You certainly don't want to have something wrong with you, but to not have any answers is very frustrating too.

The more I shared my story with other people, the more they shared theirs with me. I realized just how common of a struggle this is. During those years of aching and trying so hard to be pregnant, I felt like absolutely everyone I saw WAS pregnant. Obviously this is a very big exaggeration. Of course everyone isn't pregnant. But that's the way I felt. It's so difficult to be young and married and hear the never ending questions of, "when are you going to have a baby?" or maybe if I didn't feel well, "are you pregnant?!" Of course people don't mean to be insensitive, but when you are hurting so bad, it simply feels like someone is rubbing your face into your sorrows. It makes me feel nauseous just thinking about how heavy my heart was during this time.

We finally did become pregnant this spring. THANKS BE TO GOD! What an exciting yet fearful time it was. It did NOT feel real. Sometimes, it still doesn't. I was elated to finally see the word "pregnant" written on that little stick. Yet, I was so cautious and scared that it could all be taken away from me. For awhile, when I would talk to my mom about it, I would say things like, "well if I really am pregnant" or "if I do really have a baby". It probably took a month for me to say I was indeed pregnant.

Infertility is such a bigger issue than I think most people realize. An obstetrician told my mom that 6 out of 10 couples will suffer from some sort of infertility in their lifetime. WOW. That's high. This is an extremely hard battle to endure. I couldn't count how many tears I cried or prayers I prayed over the years. I am beyond thankful to be experiencing this pregnancy and the chance to become a Mom.

I already love this little man so much my heart aches in a way it never has before.